Ghost Voters Scoff at EC’s Plan Against Ballot Stuffing
Uganda's ghost voters are up in arms over new biometric verification technology, calling the Electoral Commission's anti-rigging measures discriminatory against the non-corporeal electorate.
Kampala Woman Suffers Existential Crisis After Salon Visit Devoid of Gossip
A Naguru salon faces backlash for its staff's silent service, leaving a client feeling 'incompletely serviced' due to a critical lack of gossip during her appointment, despite a new 'Focus…
Ebola Confirms Outbreak in DRC, Accuses Uganda of “Unfair” Response
The Ebola virus has announced a new outbreak in the DRC, complaining that modern response efforts are "stifling its organic growth" and making it harder to operate.
Woman Still Expects Ex To Fix Her Wifi, Listen To Work Drama
Ivan and I agreed that nothing should change just because we broke up,” Tracy said, eating her Rolex with nyanya mbisi. So obviously, he’ll still come over to fix my…
Money Lenders Mourn Lost Opportunity to Fund Next Pope’s Election
The disappointment stems from the Vatican’s strict rules on papal elections, which inexplicably forbid bribery, extortion, or last-minute "financial motivation" for votes. This has left Ugandan lenders confused and offended.
Fake Academic Paper Holders Urge Calm Amidst Mass Verification
Kampala, Uganda* – In what can only be described as the least surprising scandal of the decade, Kampala District has been thrown into chaos after an ongoing probe exposed a…
I’ve Been Through Hell! – Mathias Walukagga’s Left Hand Speaks Out
Amawulire managed to secure an exclusive interview with the hand, which spoke to us through a series of interpretive gestures and Morse code taps on a nearby table.
Criminals Dispute Uganda Police Crime Report
KAMPALA — Uganda Police Force’s recently released monthly crime report has incensed ccriminals across Uganda who have come forward to dispute the findings, claiming they have been “on their best…
EC Voter Register Update – Ghost Voters Demand Inclusion: ‘We Have Rights Too!’
In a surprising twist to Uganda’s electoral preparations, a group of self-proclaimed “ghost voters” has come forward to express their frustration at being excluded from the ongoing update of the…