Headlines
Ghost Voters Scoff at EC’s Plan Against Ballot Stuffing
Uganda's ghost voters are up in arms over new biometric verification technology, calling the Electoral Commission's anti-rigging measures discriminatory against the non-corporeal electorate.
Kampala Woman Suffers Existential Crisis After Salon Visit Devoid of Gossip
A Naguru salon faces backlash for its staff's silent service, leaving a client feeling 'incompletely serviced' due to a critical…
Ebola Confirms Outbreak in DRC, Accuses Uganda of “Unfair” Response
The Ebola virus has announced a new outbreak in the DRC, complaining that modern response efforts are "stifling its organic…
Woman Still Expects Ex To Fix Her Wifi, Listen To Work Drama
Ivan and I agreed that nothing should change just because we broke up,” Tracy said, eating her Rolex with nyanya…
Money Lenders Mourn Lost Opportunity to Fund Next Pope’s Election
The disappointment stems from the Vatican’s strict rules on papal elections, which inexplicably forbid bribery, extortion, or last-minute "financial motivation"…
Fake Academic Paper Holders Urge Calm Amidst Mass Verification
Kampala, Uganda* – In what can only be described as the least surprising scandal of the decade, Kampala District has…
I’ve Been Through Hell! – Mathias Walukagga’s Left Hand Speaks Out
Amawulire managed to secure an exclusive interview with the hand, which spoke to us through a series of interpretive gestures and Morse code taps on a nearby table.
Criminals Dispute Uganda Police Crime Report
KAMPALA — Uganda Police Force’s recently released monthly crime report has incensed ccriminals across Uganda who have come forward to dispute the findings, claiming they have been “on their best…
Landlord Informs Tenants He’s Increasing Endless Economic Anxiety By 200K
KAMPALA — Blaming the change on factors like inflation and steep URA taxes that were out of his control, local landlord Byakagaba Andrew reportedly informed his tenants Monday that he…
Trip Organizer Forced To Remove Sober Client From Road Trip Bus
KAMPALA — After management of a road trip around dubbed Uganda 360 escorted a passenger off the trip bus and charged him with orderly conduct, FlySafaris, a travel agent has…
Child Putting On Whole Show For Woman Whom Single Dad Will Only Bang Twice
KAMPALA — In a wasted effort to tug at the heartstrings of a woman his father had brought back to their home, sources reported Thursday that local child Jerry Kiwanuka,…
Kampala’s Potholes in a state of panic as KCCA Threatens to Fix Them
Kampala potholes have received information that KCCA is planning to fix them soon. This has caused a state of panic among the potholes, as they struggle to understand what has…
Wife Sues Husband for not Nagging Her
A local woman has filed a lawsuit against her husband, claiming that he has failed to fulfill his marital duties by not nagging her enough. The woman from Nasana, who…
I am not worth 37bn – Acre of land in Kisenyi speaks out
In a shocking turn of events, an acre of land in Kisenyi, downtown Kampala city has come forward to deny rumors that it is worth 37 billion shillings. According to…
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