ATM machine ejecting debit card after low balance rejection in Kampala
BusinessSociety

Man Accuses ATM of Attitude After Low Balance Card Ejection

KAMPALA — A Kampala man has raised concerns about what he described as “unnecessary hostility” from an ATM machine after…

By Our Reporter
Relationships

Married Man Leaps Into Affair Without Hint of Guilt

KAMPALA — Friends have confirmed that married man Tom Lwanga, 35, entered an extramarital affair with zero hesitation, zero reflection,…

By Our Reporter
Society

Man Who’s Been in 3 House Burglaries Starting to Think This May Be About Him

Kampala - Saying he is not one to overthink things but admitting the situation was now “looking somehow,” Kisaasi resident Geoffrey…

By Our Reporter
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Politics

Ghost Voters Scoff at EC’s Plan Against Ballot Stuffing

Uganda's ghost voters are up in arms over new biometric verification technology, calling the Electoral Commission's anti-rigging measures discriminatory against the non-corporeal electorate.

By Our Reporter
Lifestyle

Kampala Woman Suffers Existential Crisis After Salon Visit Devoid of Gossip

A Naguru salon faces backlash for its staff's silent service, leaving a client feeling 'incompletely serviced' due to a critical lack of gossip during her appointment, despite a new 'Focus…

By Our Reporter
Uncategorized

Ebola Confirms Outbreak in DRC, Accuses Uganda of “Unfair” Response

The Ebola virus has announced a new outbreak in the DRC, complaining that modern response…

Relationships

Woman Still Expects Ex To Fix Her Wifi, Listen To Work Drama

Ivan and I agreed that nothing should change just because we broke up,” Tracy said,…

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Business

Money Lenders Mourn Lost Opportunity to Fund Next Pope’s Election

Kampala, Uganda – In a shocking twist of fate, Uganda’s thriving community of money lenders and loan sharks has expressed deep…

By Our Reporter
Society

Fake Academic Paper Holders Urge Calm Amidst Mass Verification

Kampala, Uganda* – In what can only be described as the least surprising scandal of the decade, Kampala District has…

By Our Reporter
Politics

I’ve Been Through Hell! – Mathias Walukagga’s Left Hand Speaks Out

By our very dedicated (and slightly unhinged) reporter, Mpenzi Wamala In a shocking turn of events, the left hand of…

By Our Reporter
Uncategorized

Criminals Dispute Uganda Police Crime Report

KAMPALA —  Uganda Police Force’s recently released monthly crime report has incensed ccriminals across Uganda who have come forward to…

By Our Reporter
Politics

EC Voter Register Update – Ghost Voters Demand Inclusion: ‘We Have Rights Too!’

In a surprising twist to Uganda’s electoral preparations, a group of self-proclaimed “ghost voters” has come forward to express their…

By Our Reporter
Uncategorized

Relax, I’m Just Here for the Vibes!’ – Ebola virus downplays USA travel advisory

In a groundbreaking and slightly unsettling turn of events, Ebola has granted an exclusive interview to UCN to address the…

By Our Reporter
Politics

Corruption distances self from protest march to parliament

In an unprecedented move today, Corruption officially distanced itself from a large-scale protest march headed towards Parliament. Speaking at an…

By Our Reporter
Dr. KiwaniRelationships

The womaniser’s guide to post-coital etiquette

How long should I cuddle her after sex?  If at all – and I never bother – then only as…

By Our Reporter
Lifestyle

Horrified man discovers going to bed early makes him less tired following day

A MAN who has felt sluggish and groggy every morning for the last 20 years has been stunned to learn…

By Our Reporter
Business

Breaking: All Of Uganda’s Problems Solved Overnight While You Were Sleeping

KAMPALA—In a string of overwhelming and unexpected successes, all of the uganda’s problems, from corruption to disease to high costs…

By Our Reporter
Society

Makerere University Students Put Under Quarantine After Exposure To Library Book

Makerere University — Warning that the dangerous contaminant could have easily killed someone if the proper precautions had not been…

By Our Reporter
Business

Kampala Meat Packers Hires Assassins To Quietly Slaughter Cows In Their Sleep

Industrial Area - Addressing the need to incorporate more humane practices at its facilities, management at Meat Parkers announced Thursday…

By Our Reporter