Kampala — Some churches across the nation have begun reopening, but church officials are running into a problem as many customers sheep are forgetting to put on pants.
Having grown accustomed to attending church on their couch in their underwear, Christians are having trouble adjusting to the old way of doing church, where you have to put on clothes. “We’d just gotten used to rolling out of bed, crawling to the couch, and turning on the service 40 minutes late,” said churchgoer Sabiiti Jack. “Now, they expect me to adjust back to wearing clothes and brushing my teeth and stuff? No fucking way.”
“Remember, you have to come in your Sunday best — or at least, put on some pants,” said a visibly exasperated Pastor Susan Aketch of Kyampaneno HolyGost Ministries in Kireka, Kampala “We had a small prayer meeting last night, and while most people put on nice shirts and blouses, most forgot their pants and skirts entirely. It was horrifying.”
The flock are also forgetting to comb their hair and take a shower. But most pastors’ biggest concern right now is the pants. “Baby steps,” said Pastor Aketch. “If we can get their pants on, we’ll consider that a win.”
“Plus, the churchgoers kept pulling out remotes and trying to mute me,” she added.
