Car Alarm Sick Of Being Yelled At For Doing Its Job

KAMPALA — Voicing anger over what it described as a severely hostile work environment, a local car alarm announced Monday that it was fed up with being yelled at for simply doing its job. “I’m sick and tired of people cursing me out just for telling them their car is being robbed!” said the car alarm, which described the abuse it has received when it beeps loudly upon detection of someone trying to steal parts off the car, noting that it has endured comments such as, “Shut the fuck up,” “Fuck you, you piece of shit,” and worse. “You know what my job is? It’s to save your goddamn car from being robbed. That’s why you bought me, right? If this is the kind of appreciation I get, maybe I should just let you and your whole family sleep the next time there’s a thief stealing car parts in this compound. How would you like that, huh? ’Cause it would serve you right, asshole.” At press time, the car alarm was reportedly engaged in a work stoppage, refusing to provide advance notice of car thieves until someone finally replaced its dead batteries.