Wearing the same clothes she had on the day before, local resident Jane Nambi snuck out of the house Monday morning, reportedly embarrassed following an ill-advised night of sex with her husband John Bagambe.
“I can’t believe I actually slept with that bastard,” said Nambi, who added that she had been as quiet as possible while slipping out of bed, finding her clothes, and exiting the room she has shared with her spouse for the past seven years.
“I had a few too many drinks last night and made a huge mistake. Now he’s going to get the wrong idea and think it was something more than just a one-time thing. The worst part is that I can feel the neighbors looking at me, like they know I’ve just been with him. Gross. I hope he doesn’t call me.”
By press time, unreliable sources had confirmed to UCN that Nambi shuddered after receiving a text from her husband saying “I love you!!!”.
