Kampala. Tired of being accused of not doing enough to rid Kampala city of potholes, the city authorities have unveiled a grand master plan to name potholes after famous politicians, so that the demand from the public to get rid of them goes down drastically.
Speaking to the press at a pothole naming ceremony of a defiant gaping pothole on William Street, Downtown area in Kampala, an official informed UCN that city potholes will be named after famous politicians from different parties in Uganda.
“Look, It will be Uganda’s way of also keeping these corrupt people in our history books,” he claimed, “where everyone will be represented by a pothole that has features that relate to the personality.”, he said.
He said the decision was based on the fact that while the list of famous Ugandan personalities was increasing daily, the number of roads and roundabouts which can be named after them in their honour, was not increasing in the same proportion.
“KCCA can’t build any more streets and roundabouts as we are either out of money, someone stole it or we are out of space or reserved for the Annual Kampala Carnival or .. whatever. Trust me, naming potholes is the only way to keep the rich and famous happy,” he argued.
The officlal further informed UCN that KCCA was already coming up with “features and characteristics” of various potholes around Kampala and soon in a televised event, they would be named after suitable personalities.
Sources suggest that the biggest pothole in Kampala, could be named after a female TV presenter on WBS TV, while potholes outside Kisekka market could be named after opposition politicians. A gossip queen on Urban TV has been allocated the most annoying pothole in the city yet to be identified.
KCCA is currently tallying the number of potholes in the city and their lifespan. The pothole that has refused to go away after several attempts to remove it will be named after the Lord Mayor. Another has been earmarked for Jeniffer Musisi In Kamwokya. The potholes in “no honking” or silent zones, could be named after Members of Parliament who never say a word in Parliament.
“I urge all celebs and famous personalities to remain calm as we compile the data. We have enough potholes for everyone. Kampalans have doubted us on delivering results but trust us this time … we shall deliver”, the Official added.
City authorities are hopeful that once the potholes are named, the personalities, political parties or fans of celebrities would oppose any demand of those potholes being filled or repaired, as it would amount to insult to the personality whose name it bears.
“In fact, the government would allocate a budget for maintenance and conservation of these potholes,” The excited official added, “Just like Kasubi Tombs, potholes named after historicals and religious figures could qualify for UNESCO heritage list, which would even attract some global funding.”
