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Ghost Voters Scoff at EC’s Plan Against Ballot Stuffing
Uganda's ghost voters are up in arms over new biometric verification technology, calling the Electoral Commission's anti-rigging measures discriminatory against…
Kampala Woman Suffers Existential Crisis After Salon Visit Devoid of Gossip
A Naguru salon faces backlash for its staff's silent service, leaving a client feeling 'incompletely serviced' due to a critical…
Ebola Confirms Outbreak in DRC, Accuses Uganda of “Unfair” Response
The Ebola virus has announced a new outbreak in the DRC, complaining that modern response efforts are "stifling its organic…
Woman Still Expects Ex To Fix Her Wifi, Listen To Work Drama
Ivan and I agreed that nothing should change just because we broke up,” Tracy said, eating her Rolex with nyanya…
Money Lenders Mourn Lost Opportunity to Fund Next Pope’s Election
The disappointment stems from the Vatican’s strict rules on papal elections, which inexplicably forbid bribery, extortion, or last-minute "financial motivation"…
Fake Academic Paper Holders Urge Calm Amidst Mass Verification
Kampala, Uganda* – In what can only be described as the least surprising scandal of the decade, Kampala District has…
I’ve Been Through Hell! – Mathias Walukagga’s Left Hand Speaks Out
Amawulire managed to secure an exclusive interview with the hand, which spoke to us through a series of interpretive gestures…
Criminals Dispute Uganda Police Crime Report
KAMPALA — Uganda Police Force’s recently released monthly crime report has incensed ccriminals across Uganda who have come forward to…
EC Voter Register Update – Ghost Voters Demand Inclusion: ‘We Have Rights Too!’
In a surprising twist to Uganda’s electoral preparations, a group of self-proclaimed “ghost voters” has come forward to express their…
Relax, I’m Just Here for the Vibes!’ – Ebola virus downplays USA travel advisory
In a groundbreaking and slightly unsettling turn of events, Ebola has granted an exclusive interview to UCN to address the…
Corruption distances self from protest march to parliament
In an unprecedented move today, Corruption officially distanced itself from a large-scale protest march headed towards Parliament. Speaking at an…
The womaniser’s guide to post-coital etiquette
ARE you a man confused by how much time you should waste after sex cuddling? Chauvinist and self-appointed ‘God’s gift…
