In a surprising twist to Uganda’s electoral preparations, a group of self-proclaimed “ghost voters” has come forward to express their frustration at being excluded from the ongoing update of the national voters’ register. These individuals, who claim to have been voting in elections for years despite not being officially registered, are now threatening to petition the Electoral Commission (EC) and the Speaker of Parliament, demanding recognition and inclusion in the democratic process.
The ghost voters, who describe themselves as “the invisible electorate,” held a press conference at a crowded market in Kampala. Dressed in ordinary clothes but carrying signs that read “We Vote, Therefore We Are!” and “Register the Unregistered!”, they made their case with passion and a hint of mischief.
Ghost Spokesperson (identified as “John Invisible”): “We are tired of being ignored! For years, we have participated in Uganda’s elections, casting our votes in polling stations across the country, even though our names are nowhere to be found on the register. This is blatant discrimination! We demand representation!”
When asked how they have been voting without being officially registered, the group chuckled. “Let’s just say we have our ways,” John said with a wink. “But isn’t the point of democracy to include everyone? Even those who aren’t technically supposed to be there?”
The Ghosts’ Grievances
The ghost voters outlined several key issues they want addressed:
- Lack of Inclusion in the Voters’ Register Update: “The EC is updating the register, but they’re only counting the ‘official’ voters. What about us? We’ve been showing up at polling stations for years, voting faithfully in every election. Are we not citizens too?”
- No Recognition for Their Contributions: “We’ve been the backbone of many election results, yet we get no credit. No one thanks us for boosting turnout numbers or helping candidates win. It’s like we don’t even exist!”
- Exclusion from Voter Bribery: “Every election, the registered voters get money, T-shirts, and even goats. What do we get? Nothing! Not even a bottle of soda or a chapati. It’s unfair!”
- Fear of Being Left Out: “If the EC cleans up the register too much, where will we vote? We need a system that acknowledges our existence, even if it’s just a footnote.”
The EC’s Response
When reached for comment, the Electoral Commission released a statement that only added fuel to the fire. “The voters’ register is for legally registered citizens. Those who are not on the register cannot and should not vote. This is a matter of national integrity.”
The ghost voters were not amused. “National integrity?” scoffed John Invisible. “What about the 2021 election, when thousands of us ‘voted’ without being on the register? Where was your integrity then?”
Petition to Parliament
The ghost voters have announced plans to march to Parliament, led by a lively brass band playing campaign tunes. They intend to present their petition to the Speaker, demanding:
- The creation of a “Ghost Voter Amnesty Week,” where they can sign up without fear of prosecution.
- The establishment of a “Special Voter Category” for those who have been voting unofficially for years.
- A formal apology from the EC for years of “ghost voter erasure.”
“If they don’t listen, we’ll make our voices heard,” warned John. “Imagine trying to ignore thousands of people chanting ‘ONE GHOST, ONE VOTE!’ outside your office. They’ll regret excluding us.”
Public Reaction
The public has had mixed reactions to the ghost voters’ demands. Some are sympathetic. “They’ve been voting for years anyway,” said one Kampala resident. “Might as well make it official.”
Others are less convinced. “This is ridiculous,” said another. “Next thing you know, they’ll want their own MPs and ministers. Where does it end?”
Meanwhile, opposition politicians have seized the opportunity to score points. “Even the ghost voters are tired of this government!” one opposition leader declared at a rally. “If the unregistered are rising to demand change, shouldn’t the registered do the same?”
What’s Next?
As the 2026 elections approach, the ghost voters’ campaign shows no signs of slowing down. Rumor has it they’re even planning to field their own presidential candidate—a charismatic individual who promises to “bring transparency to the electoral process.”
For now, the Electoral Commission remains firm in its stance. “No unregistered voters on the register,” said a spokesperson. “But if they really want to participate, maybe they should try registering like everyone else.”
The ghost voters, however, are undeterred. “We’ll be back,” said John Invisible as he disappeared into the crowd. “And next time, we’re bringing the whole invisible electorate with us.”
Disclaimer: This article is a work of satire and is not intended to be taken seriously. Any resemblance to actual ghost voters, registered or unregistered, is purely coincidental.
