KAMPALA—In a string of overwhelming and unexpected successes, all of the uganda’s problems, from corruption to disease to high costs of living, were reportedly solved while you slept, with each lingering trace of human suffering having been eliminated by the time you awoke Friday.
According to sources, as you lay snoring loudly dreaming in bed, experts from every government agency worked tirelessly to end the many crises plaguing society, among them poverty, land wrangles, the climate catastrophe, bigotry, and all forms of systemic inequity.
Reports confirmed that it was not only matters of urgent, national importance that were addressed during the seven hours in which you slept but also the slight inconveniences and daily headaches endured by Uganda’s 45 million people: Potholes were filled in, slow internet connections were sped up, commutes were shortened, and small misunderstanding between countries neighboring us were completely sorted out.
As news of this incredible transformation spread, an unreliable source from government declared, “We’ve always believed that a good night’s sleep can work wonders. It seems as government we were right. Our problems were merely a product of sleep-deprivation, and a good night’s rest has done wonders for our nation.”
Government critics were quick to point out that the sudden disappearance of problems, corruption, and inefficiencies in Uganda as you slept seemed too good to be true. Conspiracy theories emerged, with some suggesting that aliens had intervened or that it was all a clever ploy by government to distract the public from something even more sinister.
Sources went on to report that, due to a minor oversight that also occurred as you slumbered, your rent and bank loans must still be repaid in full and are now subject to a highly predatory ballooning interest rate unknown to the Bank of Uganda.
